giniesaucedoI recently signed up for a HD group exclusively for Projectors marketed to provide some of the things a Projector thrives on, mainly to feel seen and recognized.
I thought that the concept of being around the same type would be interesting to experience because there’s things they would totally “get,” things they would help me see, and the one time price was “affordable.”
I signed up. I introduced myself. And decided it seemed like a safe enough space to ask a question that had been on my mind for months. I wanted to experience that in depth Projector magic.
Well … I posted in the wrong thread using a voice note because I was using my Authority (SPP).
Shortly after, I got corrected and it didn’t feel really good. (Note to self: voice messages are not welcomed)
Triggers got activated. Lots of them: fear of being wrong, fear of making a mistake, fear of punishment, fear of not being seen, fear of not being heard, fear of rejection, annoyance at being told what to do (more on this later)
My brother happened to ask me something while I was reading my “reprimand” (to be also read as a newly stated boundary).
I answered him and he immediately asked, “What’s wrong?” (😂 thanks SPP and tone of voice that tots gives me away)
“Nothing bug. I’m fine.”
“Something is wrong. What happened?”
I explained I just joined a new group in hopes of being able to connect and it looked like it wasn’t going to work out. He gave me a little pep talk and helped me *start* to move on.
It took a while to process the feelings. I feel like the group isn’t quite going to work out like I had hoped and I’m thankful for the lessons.
I’ll share what I processed/learned below:
Lesson: Give people the benefit of the doubt, within reason. It’s a new group. The owner is probably still figuring things out and even though I felt the vibe of being corrected, it wasn’t entirely my fault. There could have been better descriptions of what each thread was for (there’s so many threads!).
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If I had been in their place I would have used a vibe of “let me provide clarity as it was part of my doing too” vs “let me correct you asap/it’s totally on you.” (I’m glad I let some time go by because later they did own up to the fact the descriptions could use some tweaking).
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Releasing control. It’s not my space. Not my circus, not my monkeys 🙈 🙉 🙊 😂 (I did get an idea on providing a space for SPPs to process out loud so I’m working on that container soon!)
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There’s a different level of quality and space you can take up with high level containers. You get what you pay for.
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I was able to see my pattern of wanting to run away when something didn’t work out like I had hoped. Can’t say I’m loving the space and probably won’t be spending much time there. I am willing to take some time to see if that changes.
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I created clarity around which need wasn’t being met and created more awareness around how to provide myself with what I needed. (More on this later too! It’s a good one).
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I think I got my money’s worth already, even though it didn’t look like the rainbows 🌈 and butterflies 🦋 I had been hoping for. Actually, I got something better because I’m going deeper on learning to self-source.
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I wanna know! What’s one lesson you’ve learned from containers you’ve joined before? 🤔